Keep Pocket Lint?

I am debating whether or not to discontinue Pocket Lint and only publish blog posts on www.gillianmarchenko.com from now on.

The thing is, I love this place, even though I am an erratic poster.

So, what's your vote? Keep posting both places or say goodbye to Pocket Lint?

A blanket of snow

We had our first real snow in Chicago yesterday. It came late in the season, after shimmering Christmas lights had been taken down and stored away for next year. After the two-week winter break from school, a time when kids typically layer clothing and snowsuits to burrow in the snow, build forts, and come back in and sip steaming hot cocoa, had come and gone. Instead, my kids played outside with their neighbor friends during their time off in sweatshirts and light pants.

The snow started mid-morning. I noticed it falling outside my kitchen window as I rinsed out the breakfast dishes. It clung to the empty tree outside our living room. I hurried to finish my chores and make my phone calls so that I could cuddle up on the sofa with a cup of coffee and watch.

I love how a blanket of snow makes my surroundings beautiful and fresh. It reminds me of beginnings. It reminds me of starting over. It reminds me of redemption.

The snow is important to me because it was on such a day that I first realized four years ago that I was head over heels in love with my little girl who had been born with Down syndrome. Up until that morning I had loved her for sure, but it was more of a duty. I loved with fear. I loved at arms length.

But that morning; a blanketed snow morning when Polly was a baby, she and I played on the floor while the other girls were at school. We looked out the window and watched the bits of cold and ice fall from the sky. She gave me a million slobbery kisses and my heart cracked open with the most unbelievable sunlight I could imagine. It reminded me of when Lucy steps out of the wardrobe into Narnia for the first time.

And now every year the first real snow fall is the closest thing to magic in my life. When the ground is heavy with white I clear my calendar. I leave the laundry for another day. I turn off the computer. I gather my children to me and revel in their love. I thank God for cold places in my life that warrant me the outside-of-myself ability to appreciate the warmth.

I am thankful for a blanket of snow.

(Please note: I have a new website: www.gillianmarchenko.com. Thanks!)

Check out my new website!

www.gillianmarchenko.com

Big thank you to Cory Benson of Simply Design for the fabulous look!

Christmas play at church

The kids did a great job! The donkey wasn't half bad either!

Leading the way

When Polly was born and we learned of her diagnosis of Down syndrome, I grieved the child I expected. I didn't know much about Down syndrome. My mind quickly flipped to un-flattering images of a child sitting alone at recess,or a mother in her golden years walking slowly through the aisles of Wal-Mart so that her adult daughter, still a child, could keep up. Sadly, it took me a while to let my guard down and fall in love with Polly.

Polly's older sisters led the way. From the moment they met her, they dripped with love for her. They loved everything about her: "Oh, look at her pudgy little hands! Look at her wispy brown hair. Isn't she just the cutest little thing ever?" When we later explained to them that Polly had Down syndrome, and that she would need a little extra help doing things, they didn't bat an eye. "I guess it's good that God gave her older sisters then, huh, mom?" Elaina said.

Indeed.

Two years ago, when Evangeline joined our family, Elaina and Zoya took the lead once again. Elaina stayed with me for seven weeks in Ukraine until the adoption was finalized. She spent long, Kiev days tickling Evie and helping me take her outside for walks as we waited for the paperwork for the adoption to go through. Once again, I struggled, and my kids led the way.

Snapshot from today:

A toy came home in Polly's backpack today from Kindergarten. It's one of those birthday favors. You blow on it and it flings out in front of you. What fun! Polly figured it out right away, and I was thrilled that it wasn't one with sound.

A little while later while I was finishing up an email on the computer, I saw Polly bring her new toy into the kitchen. Evie was sitting up on top of the table (one of her new favorite perches in the house), kicking her feet off the edge.

"Look, Evie," Polly said, moving carefully, climbing up on the bench and then sitting down next to her on the table. "Look, Evie, it blows out," she said, and then promptly gave a demonstration. I fought the urge to intervene. Evangeline is easily spooked and she is not Polly's biggest fan. Most people love a happy, in your face five-year-old but Evangeline could do without. But I took a breath and waited to see what happened.

"You see that, Evie. It's red. It's pretty. It's fun." Polly blew on her toy again. "You like that, Evie. Do you?"

And the most amazing thing happened. Instead of reaching out and grabbing the toy. Instead of crying. Instead of getting the heck out of dodge (read: getting down off the table and away from Polly a.s.a.p.) Evie laughed.

She laughed.

Polly blew her toy again. Evie kept laughing. And for about five minutes they seemed like they were, I don't know what's the word?, playing together.

It was magical.

When Polly was born, I worried that she would feel alone but I learned quickly that her sisters would never let that happen. When Evangeline joined our family, I worried, I still worry, that we won't be able to reach her. Some days she is very far into her own world. And then today, Polly initiated a game with Evie and Evie, just a little, for a few moments, let her in. Polly had Elaina and Zoya to prod her along in her development, and now she is starting to lead the way for Evie.

The magic is now gone. Polly broke her toy because she kept twisting the blow out part. Evie stole all of Polly's pretzels out of her favorite ice-cream bowl. Polly is running circles around the house yelling, "hey, Evie, leave my snack alone" and Evangeline has climbed off the table. As I type she is eating pretzel bits off my, um, super clean kitchen floor. 

But I don't care. I'll take the five magical moments when I saw Polly work her sister mojo on Evie.

Sisters are the best therapists in the world.

The tree is up, begrudgingly

 Mom! Leave us alone!

Yea, Mom, whatever.

Zo was having fun!

 Polly made fast friends with the army of Nutcrackers.

 Dirty Face Evie! I think she had a cookie!

 Every Angle and Mary I own for Christmas has a broken arm or hand. I feel a blog post coming on!

 My kids love doing the Advent Calendar and reading this beautiful Advent Book 

(all original artwork. Check it out here.)

 No chimney at our house. The Stockings were hung on the woodwork with care...

Sergei was finally able to hang a few ornaments after messing with the lights on the, um, pre-light tree.

When we finally got to decorating for Christmas this year, two out of four kids were in bad moods and ended up in their bedrooms. Everything went up in just over an hour in the midst of fussing and frustration and when we were finished, although I am not much of a liquor girl, I was looking around for a mixed drink.

We didn't make perfect family memories this year decorating, but I did catch Zoya and Polly playing with the winter village, and Evie liked the Christmas music as long as it wasn't too loud,  and Elaina, who is 11 turning 23, had a faint smile on her face for a second or two at some point, that is until she noticed that I noticed. Ha!

Evangleline's OK, thanks for the prayers!

We saw the neurosurgeon today at Children's Memorial Hospital and he said that Evie's x-rays show that there has not been a change in the gap in her vertebrae and its stability. Thank you, God! For now, we continue to watch her to see if there is ever a change in her mobility, and she is restricted from participating in a tumbling class :), but there isn't a need for surgery as of now for her AAI. The doctor also said that there really isn't an answer for the popping in her neck.

I am very thankful that our little one, at least for today, is okay.

Thanks for your prayers!