Choose this day whom you will serve; thoughts on wanting to serve myself

¹⁵ But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” -Jushua 24:15

Can I just be honest a minute?

Serving the Lord today seems undesirable to me.

I'm tired of summer. I know I am not supposed to say it. I am supposed to be thankful for the time with my kids. I am supposed to be like those moms who grieve the school year, because they can't spend their days with their children.

But today, that's not me.

It's 9:33am, and so far Polly already peed on my bed (potty training). Evie tried to bite Zoya and when I took her and cupped her face in my hands and gently said "no," she reached out and scratched me on the chin. Elaina woke up raring to go: "When we are going to the store? What we are buying for the trip? What will our day look like?" I am struggling with sadness, and as I write this they are all in the playroom, and a fight is starting to brew.

I know enough about God to understand that he wants me to do well with what he has put in front of me to do. Today, my agenda includes caring for the kids, picking up around the house, and packing for our trip to the cottage next week. None of this is insurmountable. It's all very hum drum, normal, every day life, really.

But I don't want to do it.

I'm tired.

I just want school to start.

Choose this day whom you will serve...

I have a choice. I can choose to serve myself and attempt to shoo the kids away from me like flies all day long. Or I can take a deep breath and stop and say a prayer. I can ask God to help me not to get overwhelmed, to be diligent in potty training and to think of other ways to appease Evie's rage (biting, scratching, lashing out).

Even If I want to go back to bed, I can still choose the right thing.

Today I can choose to serve God by serving my family.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.