My blog is like my life. I tend to get overwhelmed and retreat.
When Sergei and I were first married he gently explained to me that the behavior of hiding away in life when I feel hurt or depressed is not necessarily healthy. I've struggled with depression for as long as I remember. But its not until I had kids and was diagnosed with postpartum depression did I realize there was a name for it. I just thought I was defective. Other people were usually happy. I usually was not.
My baseline attitude generally starts out less like Tigger and more like Eeyore.
With help through the years, sometimes counseling and medication, sometimes eating right and exercising, always prayer and reading the Bible, I've managed. Now, on most days I'm well. Actually, I've come to see my struggles as a blessing. I am forced to trust God. I am lured to think deeply.
Lately writing has been the source of my exhaustion and drudgery. As I work on my memoir, KRASATA, I'm reliving everything that happened four and a half years ago when Polly was born in Ukraine with Down syndrome. Not only that, but God is taking me back through my life. I am walking the streets of the small town I grew up in in. I am remembering the way my mom smelled when she came home from work late at night when I was little. I remember how I felt seeing a person for the first time with a disability.
My life story is being reworked. It's weaving into a new picture. And I am a spectator waiting to see if it's pretty when it's finished.
My work causes introspection and less vigor to blog and more of a desire to get this story down on paper. I am thoroughly enjoying myself to be sure. But it's exhausting too.
Please be patient Pocket Lint readers. If, indeed, any of you are left :).
For now, I think I'll hang out in this funk.
My life - it's got to be funky.
When Sergei and I were first married he gently explained to me that the behavior of hiding away in life when I feel hurt or depressed is not necessarily healthy. I've struggled with depression for as long as I remember. But its not until I had kids and was diagnosed with postpartum depression did I realize there was a name for it. I just thought I was defective. Other people were usually happy. I usually was not.
My baseline attitude generally starts out less like Tigger and more like Eeyore.
With help through the years, sometimes counseling and medication, sometimes eating right and exercising, always prayer and reading the Bible, I've managed. Now, on most days I'm well. Actually, I've come to see my struggles as a blessing. I am forced to trust God. I am lured to think deeply.
Lately writing has been the source of my exhaustion and drudgery. As I work on my memoir, KRASATA, I'm reliving everything that happened four and a half years ago when Polly was born in Ukraine with Down syndrome. Not only that, but God is taking me back through my life. I am walking the streets of the small town I grew up in in. I am remembering the way my mom smelled when she came home from work late at night when I was little. I remember how I felt seeing a person for the first time with a disability.
My life story is being reworked. It's weaving into a new picture. And I am a spectator waiting to see if it's pretty when it's finished.
My work causes introspection and less vigor to blog and more of a desire to get this story down on paper. I am thoroughly enjoying myself to be sure. But it's exhausting too.
Please be patient Pocket Lint readers. If, indeed, any of you are left :).
For now, I think I'll hang out in this funk.
My life - it's got to be funky.
